dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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