I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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