took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
