If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
