I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
