The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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