if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize