News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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