He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
