Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
