the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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