Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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