Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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