this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
