How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
