My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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