Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
