I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
