hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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