I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
