The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
