so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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