I puked a lego.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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