Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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