Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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