I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
