its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
