I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
