He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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