Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
