Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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