all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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