Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
