He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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