awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
