we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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