Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
