i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
