I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
