eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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