I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
