i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need moral support for this bender
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
