There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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