in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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