I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
