remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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