People in love make me want to vomit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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