yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
