and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize