If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
