Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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