If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
