Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
