Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
