I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
