I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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