New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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