i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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