I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
