I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
