I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
