Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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