There was a lot of him and a little penis
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
