FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
