do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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