Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
