If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
