You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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