That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
