Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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