I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
