Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
